Wednesday, November 29, 2006

A word on the bird

Forgive Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick for displaying the wrong kind of Dirty Bird after Sunday’s home loss to New Orleans. He wasn’t around when the Falcons created the Dirty Bird touchdown dance craze during their Super Bowl run in 1998. He probably heard ‘‘Dirty Bird’’ and thought it meant the sort of middle-fingered salute he gave a jeering fan as he left the Georgia Dome.
Vick has already issued multiple mea culpas for his inexcusable act of anger and the NFL has fined him $10,000. Normally it fines players $5,000 for an obscene gesture, so we can only assume the league bumped up the penalty because Vick executed a double digit defense.
We don't know what Vick heard from his heckler. There are certain trigger words that would set off any normal person, but athletes are conditioned over the years to block out crowds. At the same time, Vick and his teammates have little reason to bother with booing fans. They deserve the jeers, having lost four straight games — including a pair to the terrible duo of Detroit and Cleveland. Remember, this was a team that thumped its chest and declared itself a playoff contender when the season began.
The best course of action for Vick would be to focus his anger on different targets -- the wide receivers who dropped five passes Sunday and the offensive linemen whose porous pass blocking kept him on the run all day.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Slapped silly

I'm no fan of basketball coach Bobby Knight.
He was a Neanderthal and a bully at Indiana and he's a Neanderthal and a bully at Texas Tech.
You can change his XXL V-neck sweater from Hoosier red to Raider black, but you can't change who he is on the inside.
He's done plenty of juvenile things over the years, abusive acts worthy of censure, from throwing a chair to making an inappropriate comment about rape to kicking his own son to choking a player to grabbing a student who smarted off to him.
So it comes at no surprise that TV cameras and writer's tape recorders are poised at the ready to catch his next volcanic meltdown.
This week, he's catching heat for allegedly slapping a Texas Tech player during Monday's home game against Gardner-Webb. As the players gathered around Knight during a time out, the coach saw the attention span of player Michael Prince wandering. Prince dropped his head, losing eye contact with his coach and Knight lightly tapped him beneath his chin to regain his attention.
Because it was caught on camera, it's now the Slap Seen Around the World.
This thing has been played and replayed ad nauseum on ESPN.
Never mind that the player in question and his parents have no problem with what Knight did. Never mind that the supposed slap was more of a tap.
The incident is suddenly being treated as yet another example of Knight's rage uncaged.
I don't like Knight and don't like feeling the compulsion to defend him.
In this case, however, Knight is being penalized for his past.
He really didn't do anything all that wrong in this case, but it's a near certainty that he will do something abusive and utterly stupid in the future.
So save the outrage until then.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

A real air scare

This qualifies as a Twilight Zone moment. On Friday, the charter flight carrying the Marshall University football team to its road game at East Carolina was delayed for two hours after smoke began pouring out of one of the engines.
Fortunately, none of the 150 people aboard the plane were injured but there were more than a few rattled nerves because of the timing of the mechanical malfunction.
Almost 36 years ago to the day, a plane carrying the Marshall football team home from a game at -- cue spooky music -- East Carolina crashed on Nov. 14, 1970, killing 75 people aboard. Most of the football team perished in the crash. A movie about the tragedy, ‘‘We Are Marshall,’’ opens Dec. 22.
It's frightening to think that something like that could have happened to that university again.
If I'm a Marshall player, however, I think I would insist on going Greyhound from now on.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Relationship in the rough

With all the tabloid and TV hullabaloo over Britney Spears finally coming to her senses and seeking a divorce from K-Fed, her backup dancer/wannabe rapper/couch anchor, it was easy to miss another significant celebrity marital transaction.
John Daly, everyone's favorite long-driving, hard-partying PGA Tour player, now finds his love life buried deep in a sand trap.
He's headed for divorce No. 4, which means that the number of ex-wives in his life will continue to outpace his number of major championships (two).
The Associated Press reported that Sherrie Miller Daly filed for divorce last month.
This comes on the heels of her rejoining society after serving a federal sentence for her involvement in an alleged drug and gambling ring.
Long John’s life continues to resemble a mournful country music song, something about how all his exes drive a Lexus.
But Daly shouldn’t fret for long. Never mind the con that will be walking out of your life. Think of all the pros you can offer the ladies.
Granted, he's not much to look at these days. The last time I saw him at the Masters, he was wearing an 84 Lumber polo shirt (pimping his sponsor) and smoking an unfiltered Marlboro during the par-3 tournament. His ample gut hung far over his beltline, a testament to his time at the Hooter's on Washington Road during Master's week.
It's not as if he doesn't offer anything, however. He's in the midst of his worst year on the PGA Tour with just one top 25 finish. With him missing all of those cuts, there's plenty of time to cuddle with future ex-wife No. 5.
The man also appreciates fine foods (ie. his affinity for Hooter's wings) and offers palatial digs (the Winnebago he sleeps in during Master's week. It has a stove and a bathroom inside). What woman wouldn't jump at the chance to meet him?
Now that it appears the lovely Ms. Spears is back on the market, perhaps it’s time to put these two crazy country kids together.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Releasing a pent-up blog

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Florida State football.
Remember when the Seminoles were relevant and occupied a spot in the top five every year? Well, they just lost to Maryland to fall to 4-4. That means they’ve fallen off life support and into a pine box. Now they're just waiting to be covered by that last shovel full of dirt.
It's gotten so bad in Tallahassee that a long-time Florida State fan started www.retirecoachbowden.com in an effort to get Bobby Bowden to do what men his age usually do -- wear Bermuda shorts up to their necks, hit the early bird special at Piccadilly and drive slow in the left lane.
The Web site, which breaks from others like it in that it hasn't actually called for the coach's firing, reads: ‘‘We mourn the demise of Florida State University Semonoles football at the hands of its most trusted builder ...’’
Naturally, Bowden won't retire as long as Joe Paterno keeps plugging along and threatening to pass him as college football's winningest coach. Maybe they should form a gentleman's pact to both retire when they're tied atop the list. Then they could save their fan bases from watching two legends taking a wrecking ball to their respective legacies.
* I have a lot of pent-up blogging to do, so this will get kind of long. Between traveling and taking care of a couple home maintenance chores (ie. wife says ''Clean the gutters, dear'') there hasn't been much time for puttering around on the Internet.
Now that I'm in puttering mode, here are some other completely unconnected thoughts:
* Georgia football coach Mark Richt had this to say about his team's ugly offensive effort against Florida -- ‘‘We just got stuffed in the first half. It starts with me.’’
All season, Richt has conspicuously avoided self-criticism as his offense has sputtered against the likes of Colorado, Mississippi State and Co. He always chalked it up to dropped passes, turnovers and the like. Now that he's turning some blame inward, it's worth wondering if he'll turn play-calling over to a dedicated offensive coordinator next season.
* Strange thing in the aftermath of the Florida-Georgia game. Florida coach Urban Meyer said Sunday that the Gators’ scoreless second half and luckluster offense might have had something to do with a knock that QB Chris Leak took on the head. Meyer contends Leak played with a concussion, unbeknownst to coaches and trainers.
Leak maintains he didn't have a concussion, but says he had a severe headache and blurry vision.
Hmm. Blurry vision, severe headache, burned three second-half timeouts unnecessarily. I'm not doctor, but those sound like symptoms of a concussion.
* NBA commissioner David Stern provided the following advice to league players last week. When heading out in public, please, please, please leave your guns at home.
Wonder if he added that they shouldn't shoot the messenger.
It's silly that a pro sports commissioner would have to tell adult athletes to lock up their Glocks when going out night-clubbing, but recent events compelled him to say something. Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson faces felony and misdemeanor charges for allegedly firing a handgun like Yosemite Sam outside a nightclub last month.
The world would be a much better place if NBA players would carry something less lethal instead, like nun-chucks or cans of silly string.
* A colleague of mine votes in the Harris Poll. As he input his ballot on the Harris web site after Saturday's Georgia-Florida game, he ommitted the Bulldogs from the top 25. A computer alert flashed on his screen: ''You had Georgia ranked 24th last week. Are you sure you want to do this?''
Uh, yeah, he did.
I guess the Harris Poll folks use the Hal 9000. All of those prompts could come in handy, however.
You could be in a press box, finalizing your ballot 300 miles from home, and the computer could ask: ''Did you remember to turn off the iron before you left home?''

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Saturday ramblings

CLEMSON, S.C. — I never thought I would have a reason to cover a Georgia Tech road game played anywhere other than Athens, but the Yellow Jackets’ surprising season necessitated a change.
Under usual circumstances, an uneven start by Georgia Tech in an audition for the Champs Sports Bowl, I would have stuck with my original plan of covering Alabama against Tennessee. While I’m not familiar with ACC territory, it’s proven to be a nice change of pace so far. Clemson’s pretty, tree-lined campus looks vibrant in the late-afternoon glow, especially with the leaves changing.
I saw a few examples of the unusual on my walk to the stadium -- an orange-and-white Clemson-decorated Cadillac hearse with the slogan ‘‘Paw Bearer’’ emblazoned on the doors and at least 15 Clemson fans wearing orange overalls.
I know Clemson’s booster club goes by the acronym IPTAY for ‘‘I Pay Ten a Year,’’ as in thousands of dollars. But with the prevalence of farmhand togs around here, it might stand for ‘‘I Plow Ten Acres Yearly.’’
Having established that small John Deere tractors might be more likely to decorate the polo shirts of Clemson fans than Izod alligators, allow me to provide some additional enlightenment about this football Saturday:
• No Georgia fans, the Tennessee and Vanderbilt games aren’t aberrations this year. If the Bulldogs’ 27-24 win over Mississippi State taught us anything, it’s that they’re really mediocre in what has proven to be a year of transition.
It took a late fumble recovery to save them from overtime or, quite possibly, a third straight loss.
As difficult as the last three weeks have been for Georgia fans to stomach, it will get better. Matthew Stafford threw for more than 200 yards against the Bulldogs. By allowing Stafford to play through the mistakes a first-year player makes and accepting whatever results come with them, Georgia will profit next season.
• Alabama’s up 13-7 on Tennessee. Nothing against Mike Shula, but defensive coordinator Joe Kines in the brains of that operation.
• Did you see the highlights of the Miami-Duke game? The Blue Devils were driving on the suspension-depleted ‘Canes at the end of the game, gave up an interception and lost 20-15. I’m just amazed that the Miami player who intercepted the ball didn’t take off his helmet and start swinging it at a Duke player during his return.
• UCLA 14-13 over Notre Dame in the third quarter. Surely, that can’t hold up. On the off chance it does, would that mean the Irish won’t play in the BCS title game?
• Game of the day: Texas 22, Nebraska 20. I’m not saying Nebraska coach Bill Callahan made a bad decision calling a third-down pass play that led to a late fumble, but let’s just say Tom Osbourne would have called something different.
• Anybody else think the Pittsburgh Steelers will pound the Atlanta Falcons tomorrow?
The matchup to watch will be Pittsburgh receiver Hines Ward against Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall. Hmm. Didn’t the Falcons have a chance to select Ward in the third round of the 1998 draft?
Oh yeah, they passed him over for Jammi German. That worked out well.
German had 20 catches in four seasons, which makes you wonder why the Falcons didn’t persuade him to extend his career. At their current pace, Roddy White and Michael Jenkins might combine to produce the same result in five seasons.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Falcons crashing to earth

I was beginning to re-think my preseason prediction that the Atlanta Falcons would go 8-8 and miss the playoffs.
Then a couple of things happened.
They played a New York Giants team with legitimate playoff potential that was at full strength (unlike the banged-up Carolina Panthers outfit they beat in Week One).
They failed to protect an 11-point second half lead and lost handily, giving up somewhere in the neighborhood of (and I’m just estimating here) 5,243,763 yards to Tiki Barber in the second half. They failed to protect Michael Vick, who was sacked seven times despite being the league’s most mobile QB. They struggled to mount any semblance of a passing game, which is astounding given that wide receivers Michael Jenkins, Roddy White and Ashley Lelie were all first-round draft picks.
When it was over, coach Jim Mora rushed to proclaim that the obvious flaws on display weren't nearly as awful as they seemed. That only adds weight to the claim that, yes, they really were that bad.
And then Tuesday arrived and it became known that starting left guard Matt Lehr violated the NFL’s steroids policy and would miss the next four games.
I’m wondering what sort of juice Lehr was on, because the offensive line’s performance has been so erratic this season. The Falcons lead the league in rushing, but have allowed 18 sacks. Do they make a time-release steroid that only works for run-blocking?
I’d love to ask an Atlanta offensive lineman about this, but the unit has abided by a foolish no-talking-to-the-media policy introduced by former O-line coach Alex Gibbs a couple years ago.
Can’t say I blame them for their silence. I’d hate to have to answer questions about steroids too.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Saturday ramblings

Given the way Gov. Sonny Perdue reacted to the headline the Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran last Sunday morning over the Georgia-Tennessee game story, we shouldn’t be surprised if he sends national guard troops to various newspaper offices around the state today.
Perdue ripped the AJC last week because it topped its sports section with the head ‘‘Dogs get put in their place.’’
Perdue wrote in a letter to the editor that the newspaper must await ‘‘lousy news about all things Georgia and pounces with their poison pens’’ when it develops.
After Georgia’s 24-22 loss to Vanderbilt, I’ve decided to suggest some less incendiary, sure to be Sonny-approved headlines that might allow the gov to get back to the business of running the state.
* ‘‘Georgia tries really hard’’
* ‘‘Georgia lays egg Sonny side up’’
* ‘‘Dogs would have won if Vandy hadn’t paid off refs’’
* ‘‘Georgia loses game, tops Vandy in graduation rates’’ (Oops, never mind)
* ‘‘Hey, they didn’t lose by 18 this week’’
* ‘‘Dogs now second-best in Georgia, No. 1 in our hearts’’

Gotta play hurt
By the way, the feel good story in college football this year just might be Indiana coach Terry Hoeppner. I know people down this way don’t care about the goings on in Indiana since Bobby Knight quit throwing chairs.
Here’s why you should care about Hoeppner. The guy coached the Hoosiers to a 31-28 upset of No. 15 Iowa Saturday, the program’s first signature win in close to 20 years.
He’s coaching despite the fact that he underwent brain surgery for the second time in nine months only a few weeks. Let that marinate for a moment.
They cut his skull open to remove a tumor and he’s back coaching within a month. If you’re one of his players, it would be unconscionable to think about missing a game due to turf toe.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Runaway litigation

I know I’m supposed to be writing about sports, but it’s my blog and I reserve the right to take a detour now and then.
The story of former ‘‘runaway bride’’ Jennifer Wilbanks suing her former fiance for $500,000 marks such an occasion.
Wilbanks reportedly wants $250,000 as her share of a home she purchased with John C. Mason, the guy she left at the altar when she decided to tour the country by Greyhound a year ago April. She’s also seeking $250,000 in punitive damages.
A thought came to me as I read the story. When Mason was served with the court papers, did his eyes bulge out of their sockets the way Wilbanks’ seem to in every published photo?
Let’s do a quick review of the Wilbanks saga. Mason proposed, she said ‘‘I do.’’ They set a wedding date and plan a ceremony that apparently had something like 7,000 guests and 300 bridesmaids (my math might be a little off). She wigs out, goes AWOL on a bus, doesn’t leave a note and disappears for four days while hundreds of police and volunteers conduct a search for a presumed kidnapping victim.
Then, to top it all off, Mason forgives her vanishing act and buys a house with her. Now he’s getting dragged into a courtroom.
My first instinct was to sympathize with the guy, but upon further review (a phrase used by college football refs ... see, this is a sports blog!) I’m not so sure who is the bigger headcase. Her disappearing act was looney, but so was his decision to forgive her.
The more you think about them, the more sane Terrell Owens seems.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The name game

This week’s sign that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are in full gallop:
A family in Mississippi gave birth to a boy over the weekend.
They named the kid ESPN.
It gets even better (or worse, depending on whether you think these folks are total whack jobs). According to the Associated Press article that ran in the Ledger-Enquirer this morning, the dad, Rusty Real of D’Iberville, Miss., worships former pro quarterback Joe Montana almost as much as he does SportsCenter.
So the boy will go through life known as ESPN Montana Real.
Apparently, there are at least at least three other lil’ ESPNs soiling their diapers around the country. A 2005 report about the 25th anniversary of ESPN found indirect offspring of the network in Pampa, Texas; Corpus Christi, Texas; and Michigan.
I suppose I should rant about the idiocy of naming a child after a cable channel, but it shouldn’t really surprise any of us given our society’s addiction to TV.
In the movie ‘‘Talladega Nights,’’ the sons of the NASCAR driver played by Will Farrell are named ‘‘Walker’’ and ‘‘Texas Ranger’’ as an homage to the crime-fighting, butt-whoopin' and roundhouse-kickin’ extravaganza starring Chuck Norris.
It’s only a matter of time before maternity wards are filled with bawling babies named CNN, NASCAR, Cold Pizza, Sopranos, Deal or No Deal or Bravo.
I'm just glad that Fox News Channel didn’t exist when I was born. Otherwise my late father, a staunch conservative, might have been moved to name me O’Reilly Factor or Fair and Balanced Johnson.
My wife and I haven’t made plans for children yet, but rest assured we have potential names covered.
American Idol if it’s a girl.
Pimp My Ride if it’s a boy.
Two and a Half Men if it’s a really, really big boy.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Frank-ly, it's surprising

One of the more amazing developments of this baseball season has been the re-birth of former Columbus High School star Frank Thomas, who was forced to start over with the Oakland A’s after 16 seasons with the Chicago White Sox.
Thomas received a World Series ring last year despite making a minimal contribution and didn't do much to endear himself to general manager Ken Williams. The White Sox were perfectly willing to put up with Thomas’ grouchiness as long as he was supplying 30-homer, 100-RBI seasons. When injuries made his number of DNPs keep place with RBIs, however, it was easy to let go of a player who had always been thought of as a clubhouse cancer.
I remember writing at the start of the season that Thomas should have made a graceful exit from the game and retired while he was still mostly well thought of by White Sox fans.
Turns out a lot of us misjudged Thomas.
Many of us still want to think of him as the me-first, stats-over-championships player he seemed to be in the prime of his career. But this season with Oakland, Thomas has subjugated his ego and re-established himself as the sort of player who can carry a team.
On Monday, in the opening game of Oakland's American League playoff series at Minnesota, Thomas delivered a pair of home runs, including the game-winner in the ninth.
More importantly, the 38-year-old has taken the time to become a mentor to younger players like first baseman Nick Swisher and outfielder Milton Bradley.
About eight months ago, it looked like Thomas' career might be over. Now, it looks almost as strong as it did when he was winning AL MVP awards in 1993 and '94.
There's no question, however, that he's still stat-driven. One reason why he might have wanted to extend his career is the belief that he needed to reach the 500-homer plateau to get serious consideration for the Hall of Fame.
He'll undoubtedly get there. His career .305 batting average and one-time status as the most-feared right-handed hitter in the game should make him a lock when his name finally appears on a ballot.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

The cult of football

GAINESVILLE, Fla. -- I learned years ago that college football is a religion in this part of the country, but what I saw on my walk to the Ben Hill Griffin Stadium press box certainly reinforced it.
It was very possible that I was just invited to join a cult. I couldn't be sure. In any event, a 12-person troupe of Hare Krishnas encouraged me and several other nearby pedestrians to join their chanting, dancing drum circle.
If I didn't have a football game to cover, I might have put on one of their pale orange robes, shaved my head bald except for a small ponytail on top and strapped on some comfy sandals.
One of them toted a sign: ‘‘Say Hare Krishna -- It's good for you.’’
Some other activities might feel even better.
A group standing on the lawn of a fraternity house brandished a sign for passing cars.
‘‘Honk and we'll drink.''
Just a guess here, but I think they'll drink anyway.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Take a T.O. to remember Nelson

I don't want to blog about Terrell Owens today or any other day for that matter.
Must ... resist ... temptation.
I don't want to waste cyberspace on Owens when I could be writing about the anti-T.O.
Golf legend Byron Nelson died Tuesday at 94.
I want to give him props for being a gentleman as well as a champion.
Think of all the sports records that people say will never be broken.
There's Wilt Chamberlin's 100-point game and Joe DiMaggio’s 51-game hitting streak.
Now put Nelson’s 11 straight tournament victories in 1945 at the top of the list.
He won 18 that year and won 31 of the 54 tournaments he played in from 1944-45. And, ladies and gentlemen, it wasn't as if he was winning these things by putting through a clown's mouth or beneath a windmill.
Rarely is there such a thing as an unbreakable record. Hank Aaron passed Babe Ruth's home run record and padded the total, but he's in danger of getting passed by Barry Bonds. And, eventually, Bonds will likely get passed by another product of the Better Baseball Through Chemistry generation.
There have been a few runs made at DiMaggio's record. And Kobe Bryant could threaten Wilt's single-game scoring mark given his shot-making ability and reluctance to pass.
But Nelson’s 11 straight victories may remain untouchable.
Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer couldn't get there. Tiger Woods won't either.
And that's why Nelson will forever be known as Lord Byron.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

College football musings ...

In honor of instant replay’s second season of widespread use in college football, we would like to take another look at some of last weekend’s developments and gauge their potential impact on this week’s games.
Upon further review ...
* Georgia coach Mark Richt should stick with freshman quarterback Matthew Stafford as his starter even though backup Joe Cox came off the bench to rescue a faltering offense in the Bulldogs’ 14-13 win over Colorado.
Stafford will be a dominant SEC player before long, but coaches and fans have to be willing to take the good with the bad when it comes to his development. First-year college players are going to be inconsistent. When a player happens to be a quarterback, his imperfections are going to be magnified.
As bad as Georgia's offense looked in falling behind 13-0, it wasn't all Stafford's fault. His receivers dropped at least four passes and an increasingly suspect offensive line didn't make it easy for the running backs to make plays.
Part of the growing process for any quarterback is learning from adversity. Stafford’s developmental clock might have been accelerated if Richt had left him in with the directive to lead the team or take his lumps.
* Alabama coach Mike Shula still thinks like an NFL offensive coordinator. In overtime of a 24-23 loss to Arkansas, Shula went conservative despite the fact that quarterback John Parker Wilson was having a career day. He called three straight running plays in an effort to center the ball up for kicker Leigh Tiffin. That's the smart decision in the NFL, where kickers make 40-yarders with the ease of extra points.
In college, however, that potential game-winning 40-yarder isn't as much of a gimme. Especially after your kicker has displayed a profound enough slice to merit consideration for the next Ryder Cup roster.
In hindsight, Shula should have given Wilson a chance to take a shot downfield for a closer field goal try or offered Jamie Christiansen a chance to kick the game-winner. Christiansen was healthy enough to do kickoffs and has been in pressure situations far more often than Tiffin.
* Auburn was smart to rest running back Kenny Irons last week against Buffalo. There wasn't anything to gain by playing him in a glorified scrimmage. He's not going to win the Heisman, so it was best to rest him for Thursday's game against South Carolina.
Incidentally, the Gamecocks are giving up 176.2 rushing yards per game, which ranks 101st nationally. That should motivate Irons to be at full-speed.
* With apologies to Auburn (ranked second in the AP top 25), Florida appears to be the SEC’s best team at this moment. The Gators are averaging 465.5 total yards per game while limiting opponents to 42 rushing yards per game.
Quarterback Chris Leak has finally started to produce in keeping with his potential, while Percy Harvin has augmented an already dangerous and deep group of skill players.
* Here's something I never expected to type: Georgia Tech just might win the Atlantic Coast Conference.
After seeing them blow past woeful Virginia last Thursday, a couple things stood out.
The defense, led by linebacker Philip Wheeler, has an abundance of speed.
The offense looks light years ahead of where it was last season, thanks to coordinator Patrick Nix. While quarterback Reggie Ball isn't an especially accurate passer, the Yellow Jackets have taken advantage of his mobility with designed quarterback draws, sprints and bootlegs. Ball has gained 197 yards and is averaging 5.1 yards per carry.
His mobility -- and Georgia Tech's willingness to use it -- could make the difference against Virginia Tech this Saturday. The Hokies administered a 51-7 swatting last season, but the Yellow Jackets didn’t have Ball in the lineup and frankly didn't have much of an offensive imagination when he was available.
If the Yellow Jackets aspire to achieve more than 7-5, this is the time to prove it. Virginia Tech was less than stellar in a win over Cincinnati last weekend, plus the ACC Coastal Division title is a more realistic goal now that Miami has fallen off the map.

Monday, September 25, 2006

United States of Average

Don’t be misled by the title of this particular blog, because I'm very much a ‘‘Go, USA!’’ kind of guy.
But Sunday’s Ryder Cup results, while hardly surprising, add to a litany of mediocrity served up by Americans on the international stage in recent months.
The Europeans downed the U.S. 18 1/2 to 9 1/2 to clinch their third straight Ryder Cup championship. Part of me couldn't help but root for Darren Clarke, who played on in the wake of personal tragedy after the death of his wife on Aug. 13, but why does the U.S. continually get beaten over the head with a sand wedge in this event?
Spare me the part about Tiger Woods becoming enraged and possibly unnerved by that Irish tabloid's improper insinuations about the former bikini model he's married to. That sort of thing, coupled with his 1-3 Ryder Cup record coming into this year, should stoke the Americans' competitive furnaces that much more. At least Woods finished with a winning record in his matches. You can't say much in support of the rest of his team, which mostly played like high-handicappers in the Elks Lodge Memorial Day Scramble.
Hey, it's not like the Ryder Cup guys are the only U.S. team to take the walk of shame this year.
We didn't win the World Baseball Classic, despite having some of the highest-paid major leaguers on the roster. The U.S. men lost to Greece in the semi-finals of the World Basketball Championship despite having LeBron James and Carmelo Anthony. Let that marinate for a moment. We lost to Greece ... in basketball.
The women haven't done any better. Earlier this month, the U.S. women's team saw a 51-game international winning streak grind to a halt against Russia in the world championships. The Americans went home without a gold medal, but we're getting used to it.
But look on the bright side. Right now, we lead the world in hamburger production (and consumption) as well as military invasions!
Our competitive ineptitude isn't confined to golf, baseball and basketball. Even when we succeed, we find a way to louse it up. Floyd Landis won the Tour de France, but found himself accused of using banned performance-enhancers.
We can't even win beauty contests anymore. In the Miss Universe, the U.S. is 0-for since 1997, when Brook Mahealani Lee wore the sash and tiara.
The shame cycle was extended this year when Puerto Rico's Zuleyka Rivera won.
Maybe it's time to revisit the issue of granting Puerto Rico statehood.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Hanging cool in a Buffalo stance

I'll go ahead and admit it. I made a mistake. I'm not at the Georgia-Colorado game. I made a late decision not to go because the matchup seemed to lack any trace of sizzle thanks to Colorado's 0-3 record and loss to Division I-AA Montana State.
Instead I'm sitting in the Jordan-Hare Stadium press box, watching Auburn against Buffalo University rather than seeing Georgia against Buffaloes. The way I figured it, I could have gone to either game and seen Buffalo chips on display.
I had no reason, however, to think that Georgia's offense would be more maladorous than Ralphie's pen before a good cleaning.
By the time Auburn kicked off, Georgia was trying to climb out of a 13-0 third-quarter trench.
Fans love intersectional games against major conference schools, but this Saturday illustrates the reason why so many Southeastern Conference schools shell out $600,000 to get Buffalo or Western Kentucky on the schedule rather than a Big 12 or Big 10 opponent.
It's difficult to be ''on'' every week, especially in a non-conference matchup where there's really nothing at stake. Good teams sleepwalk every now and then. The SEC season is enough of a grind by itself, but then there's the potential for an appearance in the league title game.
Fans say they want to see Notre Dame-Georgia or USC-Auburn, but there's a considerable risk in putting one of those teams on the schedule instead of Appalachian State or Eastern Michigan.
Which team would you rather play if you were a head coach?

Thursday, September 21, 2006

I want my MTV

Once upon a time, MTV actually used to show music videos instead of pimping rides, pimping Carson Daly and filling its air time with supposed reality shows like ‘‘Real World,’’ ‘‘Road Rules’’ or ‘‘Real World Cast Members Play Wesson Oil Tug-of-War with Road Rules Cast Members on a Tropical Island and Everyone Wears Bikinis.’’
It used to be so cool.
Over the years, you could see Bobby Brown grow up from that crackly-voiced kid in New Edition and into the soulmate of America’s sweetheart, Whitney Houston.
That worked out well.
You got to watch Michael Jackson moonwalk and bash out a car window before he turned into a bleached-out creep. You could look at and listen to rock stars who looked like they just mugged a Mary Kay rep for her goodies. Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider, KISS’ Gene Simmons and Motley Crue’s Vince Neil were all about the lipstick and rouge, but Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler was the only one with the lips and cheekbones to truly carry it off.
He wore it instead of letting it wear him.
Anyway, back to my rant about MTV’s programming.
I turned it on Wednesday to see the network’s newest reality show ‘‘Two-A-Days,’’ which chronicles the inner-workings of Hoover High School’s football program. The school, located in a suburb of Birmingham, Ala., has won four straight Alabama Class 6A state championships.
I watched it thinking it would mostly be about football, but it’s typical new-school MTV schlock. People compare it to ‘‘Laguna Beach’’ with shoulder pads, but I can’t say because I’ve never watched ‘‘Laguna Beach.’’
In fact, I haven’t watched any of MTV’s reality shows since the San Francisco season of ‘‘Real World,’’ in which that dirty bike messenger named Puck blew snot rockets, contributed heavy flatulence, left dirty dishes in the sink and yelled at that poor kid who was dying of AIDs.
In ‘‘Two-a-Days,’’ there’s the typical package of teen-angst drama, puppy love romance and lunchroom scenes of high school kids eating the same rectangular-shaped pizzas we used to get when we were in high school.
The pretty cheerleader gets mad at her boyfriend, the star linebacker, because there’s rumors he might have, like, OK, kissed another girl or something.
To that I would have said, ‘‘Puh-leeze. Talk to the hand! I’m not going to the homecoming dance with you! I trusted you and you broke my heart!’’
The show’s best moments come when they get back to the football field. Hoover’s coach, Rush Propst, kind of looks like a porcupine in a golf visor and he’s not shy letting players know he holds the key to their college scholarship aspirations and isn’t afraid to keep the door locked if they don’t play well.
My personal favorite, however, is the team chaplain, who delivers pre-game sermons while having a Hoover Bucs football helmet perched atop his pulpit.
I wish I’d recorded the show because his sermons are unique to say the least. I’d like to show them to the priest at my church to get his views on them. They sound something like this:
‘‘Lord, let your light shine down on these young men and give them the strength to roll over those Vestavia Hills Rebels like a runaway tank. And Lord, please give them the courage to back that heavenly tank up and run over them again because we know You won’t accept anything less than a 42-0 halftime lead.
‘‘And Lord, when you sent your only Son to die for us, we know that He didn't make that sacrifice so our quarterback would throw a stupid interception last week against Tuscaloosa County because he didn’t read that the safety was playing Cover 3 ...’’
The only thing that would make it any more entertaining is if Puck was around to blow snot rockets out of his nose.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Shula drops the ball

After narrow wins over Hawaii and Vanderbilt and a blowout of Louisiana-Monroe, Alabama football coach Mike Shula knows Saturday’s road trip to Arkansas will answer quite a few questions about the Crimson Tide.
‘‘We’ll find out a lot more about our football team this week,’’ he said during Wednesday’s SEC teleconference.
We found out a little more about Shula last weekend and it’s obvious he still has a lot of growing up to do as a coach.
Either he doesn’t understand the nuances of public relations or simply doesn’t care.
Since last season, seven Alabama players have broken the law, team rules or both. Shula’s solution was to give each of them a one-game suspension, although he didn’t clue the public in on his plan until after last weekend’s romp over Louisiana-Monroe.
He had to say something because star linebacker Juwan Simpson, who made headlines for his arrest for handgun and marijuana possession over the summer, didn’t play and people tend to notice that sort of thing.
After declining to comment on team disciplinary matters for weeks, Shula said Saturday that he spread seven one-game suspensions out over three weeks because benching all seven players at once wouldn’t be ‘‘fair’’ to his team.
Shula’s reasoning behind his system of punishment was convoluted and convenient.
Other coaches, including Georgia’s Mark Richt, have suspended more than two or three players at a time without regard for the potential damage it would do to the onfield product. South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier ran off several alleged trouble-makers after taking the Gamecocks’ job.
Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville kept suspended linebackers Tray Blackmon and Kevin Sears on the shelf for an important game against LSU.
Using Shula’s method, the two could have played against LSU and then served the remainder of their punishment this Saturday against Buffalo.
Tuberville was quick to take a veiled shot at Shula after Saturday’s win over LSU.
‘‘We are going to continue to do it the right way,’’ he said. ‘‘When you do it that way, it means a heck of a lot more (to win). I think our fans know what I’m talking about.’’
Sometimes, it’s more important to take a stand without worrying about what the scoreboard will say.
Shula may coach the football team, but he must also consider the impact that his actions and those of his players have on his employer’s reputation.
It’s one thing for a coach to quietly handle the punishment of a player who misses curfew. When a player is arrested and it becomes public knowledge, the head coach’s plan for disciplinary action should also be revealed to the public before rather than after the fact.
Shula could have saved himself a lot of heat if he’d revealed his plans before the season opener. He obviously knew what he was going to do.
By not saying anything, Shula fed speculation that he had something to hide or cared more about victories than good behavior.
In mishandling the situation, Shula showed he won’t make anyone forget about Paul ‘‘Bear’’ Bryant for quite some time. Or Ray Perkins for that matter.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

In a fog over a blog

If you’ve read any of my sports columns in the Columbus Ledger-Enquirer over the course of the last three years, you know I rarely find myself at a loss for words. But then my boss told me the other day that he wanted me to start keeping a sports blog.
So I sat in silence for a change as he explained this whole ‘‘blog’’ concept, of which I’d hoped to remain blissfully unaware.
It seems I was hopelessly out of touch with this technological development, because all the cool kids have been doing this blogging thing for quite some time.
If it were left up to me, I would be typing this on my old Commodore 64 as a show of protest because, quite frankly, technology and all of its trappings scares me. I don’t mean to sound like the Unabomber. It’s just that it gets frustrating trying to keep pace with all the gadgetry of the digital age.
In my lifetime, I’ve been forced to abandon my Atari video game system for Sega and then PlayStation. I’ve gone from Beta to VHS to DVD and, what the heck, even HDTV. I’ve experienced the disappointment of watching 8-tracks, vinyl records, cassette tapes fall by the wayside. And now, after years of comfort with CDs, I’m hopelessly behind everyone who listens to MP3s. And they’ve been rendered out of date by iPods.
So here I am trying to keep pace for a change, trying to merge on to the jampacked Information Superhighway even though I feel like I’m driving a Yugo with a clogged carburator.
Of course, progress isn’t all bad. I’ll gladly take a game of EA Sports NCAA Football or Madden ’07 over Atari’s Pong any day.
And the good news for you in all of this is that my blog means there’s more of me for you guys to love ... or loathe.