ESPN Bobs for ratings

Quick, somebody nail down the chairs on the SportsCenter set, institute a 10-second delay on anything Bobby Knight utters into his microphone and put the lawyers on stand-by just in case 10 seconds aren't enough.

If you thought ESPN's coverage of college basketball was loud enough already with Dick Vitale assaulting our ear drums, buy some ear plugs and develop an affinity for the mute button.

ESPN’s announcement Thursday that it has hired Knight, the former Texas Tech and Indiana basketball coach who has won more games than anyone else in Division I history, means the network will soon ratchet up its decibels and perk up the ears of the FCC. Knight will make his debut on March 12 and work through April 7, a time line that will include on-site appearances from the NCAA Final Four in San Antonio. He'll also be seen and heard on SportsCenter, ESPNEWS and ESPN Radio.

This promises to be an interesting merger seeing as how Knight now becomes a member of the very sort of profession he loathes. He once described the media as ''one or two steps above prostitution.'' Do you suppose Knight still holds that view now that he's thrown himself on the mattress back-first?

Part of me thinks he could be quite good in his capacity with the big E. He'll obviously be able to provide keen insight into the how and why of basketball tactics. Plus, as the anti-Kelvin Sampson, a man who by all appearances ran a sterile program in terms of NCAA compliance, he could provide an occasional voice of reason regarding the era of done-in-one star players and renegade coaches.

At the same time, this sets up as a boom-or-bust decision for the network. If Knight reinvents himself as something other than an egomaniacal and verbally abusive curmudgeon, it could be the start of a strong second career for him. If he continues to be an egomaniacal and verbally abusive curmudgeon, well, it will likely mean a ratings boost for certain ESPN programs that could offset the damage of FCC fines.

Consider some of his highlights from years past:

* 1985 -- Knight goes bonkers during a game against Purdue, slinging a chair across the court to protest a referee's call and drawing a one-game suspension.
* 1988 -- Knight infuriates women's groups and establishes himself as a misogynist when, during an interview with Connie Chung, he says: "I think that if rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it." Knight's comments were in reference to a game in which he felt officials made poor calls against his team.
* 1993 -- Knight catches flak for allegedly kicking his son, Pat, during an Indiana game. He later claims he kicked a chair instead (but at least he didn't throw it this time).
* 1995 -- Knight goes ballistic on an NCAA tournament volunteer after a first-round loss to Missouri. The volunteer, Rance Pugmire, had been erroneously told that Knight would not be attending his post-game press conference and relayed the information to the media. What followed serves as a timeless example of Knight in full tantrum mode:
"You've only got two people that are going to tell you I'm not going to be here. One is our SID (sports information director), and the other is me. Who the hell told you I wasn't going to be here? I'd like to know. Do you have any idea who it was?...Who?...They were from Indiana, right?...No, they weren't from Indiana, and you didn't get it from anybody from Indiana, did you?...No, I—I'll handle this the way I want to handle it now that I'm here. You (EXPLETIVE) it up to begin with. Now just sit there or leave. I don't give (EXPLETIVE) what you do. Now back to the game.''

There are more nuggets, but I'm tired of typing and you undoubtedly get the idea.

Given those examples, you have to wonder why ESPN thought it was a good idea to put Knight in front of an open microphone and an unblinking camera.