Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Releasing a pent-up blog

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Florida State football.
Remember when the Seminoles were relevant and occupied a spot in the top five every year? Well, they just lost to Maryland to fall to 4-4. That means they’ve fallen off life support and into a pine box. Now they're just waiting to be covered by that last shovel full of dirt.
It's gotten so bad in Tallahassee that a long-time Florida State fan started www.retirecoachbowden.com in an effort to get Bobby Bowden to do what men his age usually do -- wear Bermuda shorts up to their necks, hit the early bird special at Piccadilly and drive slow in the left lane.
The Web site, which breaks from others like it in that it hasn't actually called for the coach's firing, reads: ‘‘We mourn the demise of Florida State University Semonoles football at the hands of its most trusted builder ...’’
Naturally, Bowden won't retire as long as Joe Paterno keeps plugging along and threatening to pass him as college football's winningest coach. Maybe they should form a gentleman's pact to both retire when they're tied atop the list. Then they could save their fan bases from watching two legends taking a wrecking ball to their respective legacies.
* I have a lot of pent-up blogging to do, so this will get kind of long. Between traveling and taking care of a couple home maintenance chores (ie. wife says ''Clean the gutters, dear'') there hasn't been much time for puttering around on the Internet.
Now that I'm in puttering mode, here are some other completely unconnected thoughts:
* Georgia football coach Mark Richt had this to say about his team's ugly offensive effort against Florida -- ‘‘We just got stuffed in the first half. It starts with me.’’
All season, Richt has conspicuously avoided self-criticism as his offense has sputtered against the likes of Colorado, Mississippi State and Co. He always chalked it up to dropped passes, turnovers and the like. Now that he's turning some blame inward, it's worth wondering if he'll turn play-calling over to a dedicated offensive coordinator next season.
* Strange thing in the aftermath of the Florida-Georgia game. Florida coach Urban Meyer said Sunday that the Gators’ scoreless second half and luckluster offense might have had something to do with a knock that QB Chris Leak took on the head. Meyer contends Leak played with a concussion, unbeknownst to coaches and trainers.
Leak maintains he didn't have a concussion, but says he had a severe headache and blurry vision.
Hmm. Blurry vision, severe headache, burned three second-half timeouts unnecessarily. I'm not doctor, but those sound like symptoms of a concussion.
* NBA commissioner David Stern provided the following advice to league players last week. When heading out in public, please, please, please leave your guns at home.
Wonder if he added that they shouldn't shoot the messenger.
It's silly that a pro sports commissioner would have to tell adult athletes to lock up their Glocks when going out night-clubbing, but recent events compelled him to say something. Indiana Pacers guard Stephen Jackson faces felony and misdemeanor charges for allegedly firing a handgun like Yosemite Sam outside a nightclub last month.
The world would be a much better place if NBA players would carry something less lethal instead, like nun-chucks or cans of silly string.
* A colleague of mine votes in the Harris Poll. As he input his ballot on the Harris web site after Saturday's Georgia-Florida game, he ommitted the Bulldogs from the top 25. A computer alert flashed on his screen: ''You had Georgia ranked 24th last week. Are you sure you want to do this?''
Uh, yeah, he did.
I guess the Harris Poll folks use the Hal 9000. All of those prompts could come in handy, however.
You could be in a press box, finalizing your ballot 300 miles from home, and the computer could ask: ''Did you remember to turn off the iron before you left home?''

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Saturday ramblings

CLEMSON, S.C. — I never thought I would have a reason to cover a Georgia Tech road game played anywhere other than Athens, but the Yellow Jackets’ surprising season necessitated a change.
Under usual circumstances, an uneven start by Georgia Tech in an audition for the Champs Sports Bowl, I would have stuck with my original plan of covering Alabama against Tennessee. While I’m not familiar with ACC territory, it’s proven to be a nice change of pace so far. Clemson’s pretty, tree-lined campus looks vibrant in the late-afternoon glow, especially with the leaves changing.
I saw a few examples of the unusual on my walk to the stadium -- an orange-and-white Clemson-decorated Cadillac hearse with the slogan ‘‘Paw Bearer’’ emblazoned on the doors and at least 15 Clemson fans wearing orange overalls.
I know Clemson’s booster club goes by the acronym IPTAY for ‘‘I Pay Ten a Year,’’ as in thousands of dollars. But with the prevalence of farmhand togs around here, it might stand for ‘‘I Plow Ten Acres Yearly.’’
Having established that small John Deere tractors might be more likely to decorate the polo shirts of Clemson fans than Izod alligators, allow me to provide some additional enlightenment about this football Saturday:
• No Georgia fans, the Tennessee and Vanderbilt games aren’t aberrations this year. If the Bulldogs’ 27-24 win over Mississippi State taught us anything, it’s that they’re really mediocre in what has proven to be a year of transition.
It took a late fumble recovery to save them from overtime or, quite possibly, a third straight loss.
As difficult as the last three weeks have been for Georgia fans to stomach, it will get better. Matthew Stafford threw for more than 200 yards against the Bulldogs. By allowing Stafford to play through the mistakes a first-year player makes and accepting whatever results come with them, Georgia will profit next season.
• Alabama’s up 13-7 on Tennessee. Nothing against Mike Shula, but defensive coordinator Joe Kines in the brains of that operation.
• Did you see the highlights of the Miami-Duke game? The Blue Devils were driving on the suspension-depleted ‘Canes at the end of the game, gave up an interception and lost 20-15. I’m just amazed that the Miami player who intercepted the ball didn’t take off his helmet and start swinging it at a Duke player during his return.
• UCLA 14-13 over Notre Dame in the third quarter. Surely, that can’t hold up. On the off chance it does, would that mean the Irish won’t play in the BCS title game?
• Game of the day: Texas 22, Nebraska 20. I’m not saying Nebraska coach Bill Callahan made a bad decision calling a third-down pass play that led to a late fumble, but let’s just say Tom Osbourne would have called something different.
• Anybody else think the Pittsburgh Steelers will pound the Atlanta Falcons tomorrow?
The matchup to watch will be Pittsburgh receiver Hines Ward against Atlanta cornerback DeAngelo Hall. Hmm. Didn’t the Falcons have a chance to select Ward in the third round of the 1998 draft?
Oh yeah, they passed him over for Jammi German. That worked out well.
German had 20 catches in four seasons, which makes you wonder why the Falcons didn’t persuade him to extend his career. At their current pace, Roddy White and Michael Jenkins might combine to produce the same result in five seasons.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Falcons crashing to earth

I was beginning to re-think my preseason prediction that the Atlanta Falcons would go 8-8 and miss the playoffs.
Then a couple of things happened.
They played a New York Giants team with legitimate playoff potential that was at full strength (unlike the banged-up Carolina Panthers outfit they beat in Week One).
They failed to protect an 11-point second half lead and lost handily, giving up somewhere in the neighborhood of (and I’m just estimating here) 5,243,763 yards to Tiki Barber in the second half. They failed to protect Michael Vick, who was sacked seven times despite being the league’s most mobile QB. They struggled to mount any semblance of a passing game, which is astounding given that wide receivers Michael Jenkins, Roddy White and Ashley Lelie were all first-round draft picks.
When it was over, coach Jim Mora rushed to proclaim that the obvious flaws on display weren't nearly as awful as they seemed. That only adds weight to the claim that, yes, they really were that bad.
And then Tuesday arrived and it became known that starting left guard Matt Lehr violated the NFL’s steroids policy and would miss the next four games.
I’m wondering what sort of juice Lehr was on, because the offensive line’s performance has been so erratic this season. The Falcons lead the league in rushing, but have allowed 18 sacks. Do they make a time-release steroid that only works for run-blocking?
I’d love to ask an Atlanta offensive lineman about this, but the unit has abided by a foolish no-talking-to-the-media policy introduced by former O-line coach Alex Gibbs a couple years ago.
Can’t say I blame them for their silence. I’d hate to have to answer questions about steroids too.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Saturday ramblings

Given the way Gov. Sonny Perdue reacted to the headline the Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran last Sunday morning over the Georgia-Tennessee game story, we shouldn’t be surprised if he sends national guard troops to various newspaper offices around the state today.
Perdue ripped the AJC last week because it topped its sports section with the head ‘‘Dogs get put in their place.’’
Perdue wrote in a letter to the editor that the newspaper must await ‘‘lousy news about all things Georgia and pounces with their poison pens’’ when it develops.
After Georgia’s 24-22 loss to Vanderbilt, I’ve decided to suggest some less incendiary, sure to be Sonny-approved headlines that might allow the gov to get back to the business of running the state.
* ‘‘Georgia tries really hard’’
* ‘‘Georgia lays egg Sonny side up’’
* ‘‘Dogs would have won if Vandy hadn’t paid off refs’’
* ‘‘Georgia loses game, tops Vandy in graduation rates’’ (Oops, never mind)
* ‘‘Hey, they didn’t lose by 18 this week’’
* ‘‘Dogs now second-best in Georgia, No. 1 in our hearts’’

Gotta play hurt
By the way, the feel good story in college football this year just might be Indiana coach Terry Hoeppner. I know people down this way don’t care about the goings on in Indiana since Bobby Knight quit throwing chairs.
Here’s why you should care about Hoeppner. The guy coached the Hoosiers to a 31-28 upset of No. 15 Iowa Saturday, the program’s first signature win in close to 20 years.
He’s coaching despite the fact that he underwent brain surgery for the second time in nine months only a few weeks. Let that marinate for a moment.
They cut his skull open to remove a tumor and he’s back coaching within a month. If you’re one of his players, it would be unconscionable to think about missing a game due to turf toe.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Runaway litigation

I know I’m supposed to be writing about sports, but it’s my blog and I reserve the right to take a detour now and then.
The story of former ‘‘runaway bride’’ Jennifer Wilbanks suing her former fiance for $500,000 marks such an occasion.
Wilbanks reportedly wants $250,000 as her share of a home she purchased with John C. Mason, the guy she left at the altar when she decided to tour the country by Greyhound a year ago April. She’s also seeking $250,000 in punitive damages.
A thought came to me as I read the story. When Mason was served with the court papers, did his eyes bulge out of their sockets the way Wilbanks’ seem to in every published photo?
Let’s do a quick review of the Wilbanks saga. Mason proposed, she said ‘‘I do.’’ They set a wedding date and plan a ceremony that apparently had something like 7,000 guests and 300 bridesmaids (my math might be a little off). She wigs out, goes AWOL on a bus, doesn’t leave a note and disappears for four days while hundreds of police and volunteers conduct a search for a presumed kidnapping victim.
Then, to top it all off, Mason forgives her vanishing act and buys a house with her. Now he’s getting dragged into a courtroom.
My first instinct was to sympathize with the guy, but upon further review (a phrase used by college football refs ... see, this is a sports blog!) I’m not so sure who is the bigger headcase. Her disappearing act was looney, but so was his decision to forgive her.
The more you think about them, the more sane Terrell Owens seems.

Monday, October 09, 2006

The name game

This week’s sign that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are in full gallop:
A family in Mississippi gave birth to a boy over the weekend.
They named the kid ESPN.
It gets even better (or worse, depending on whether you think these folks are total whack jobs). According to the Associated Press article that ran in the Ledger-Enquirer this morning, the dad, Rusty Real of D’Iberville, Miss., worships former pro quarterback Joe Montana almost as much as he does SportsCenter.
So the boy will go through life known as ESPN Montana Real.
Apparently, there are at least at least three other lil’ ESPNs soiling their diapers around the country. A 2005 report about the 25th anniversary of ESPN found indirect offspring of the network in Pampa, Texas; Corpus Christi, Texas; and Michigan.
I suppose I should rant about the idiocy of naming a child after a cable channel, but it shouldn’t really surprise any of us given our society’s addiction to TV.
In the movie ‘‘Talladega Nights,’’ the sons of the NASCAR driver played by Will Farrell are named ‘‘Walker’’ and ‘‘Texas Ranger’’ as an homage to the crime-fighting, butt-whoopin' and roundhouse-kickin’ extravaganza starring Chuck Norris.
It’s only a matter of time before maternity wards are filled with bawling babies named CNN, NASCAR, Cold Pizza, Sopranos, Deal or No Deal or Bravo.
I'm just glad that Fox News Channel didn’t exist when I was born. Otherwise my late father, a staunch conservative, might have been moved to name me O’Reilly Factor or Fair and Balanced Johnson.
My wife and I haven’t made plans for children yet, but rest assured we have potential names covered.
American Idol if it’s a girl.
Pimp My Ride if it’s a boy.
Two and a Half Men if it’s a really, really big boy.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Frank-ly, it's surprising

One of the more amazing developments of this baseball season has been the re-birth of former Columbus High School star Frank Thomas, who was forced to start over with the Oakland A’s after 16 seasons with the Chicago White Sox.
Thomas received a World Series ring last year despite making a minimal contribution and didn't do much to endear himself to general manager Ken Williams. The White Sox were perfectly willing to put up with Thomas’ grouchiness as long as he was supplying 30-homer, 100-RBI seasons. When injuries made his number of DNPs keep place with RBIs, however, it was easy to let go of a player who had always been thought of as a clubhouse cancer.
I remember writing at the start of the season that Thomas should have made a graceful exit from the game and retired while he was still mostly well thought of by White Sox fans.
Turns out a lot of us misjudged Thomas.
Many of us still want to think of him as the me-first, stats-over-championships player he seemed to be in the prime of his career. But this season with Oakland, Thomas has subjugated his ego and re-established himself as the sort of player who can carry a team.
On Monday, in the opening game of Oakland's American League playoff series at Minnesota, Thomas delivered a pair of home runs, including the game-winner in the ninth.
More importantly, the 38-year-old has taken the time to become a mentor to younger players like first baseman Nick Swisher and outfielder Milton Bradley.
About eight months ago, it looked like Thomas' career might be over. Now, it looks almost as strong as it did when he was winning AL MVP awards in 1993 and '94.
There's no question, however, that he's still stat-driven. One reason why he might have wanted to extend his career is the belief that he needed to reach the 500-homer plateau to get serious consideration for the Hall of Fame.
He'll undoubtedly get there. His career .305 batting average and one-time status as the most-feared right-handed hitter in the game should make him a lock when his name finally appears on a ballot.